writing through it

Y’all wouldn’t believe it by looking at this blog, but I have written so much these last few months.

My finger has hovered over the Publish button, waiting for some kind of permission to post, then re-thinking my action and saving my thoughts for another day.

There is so much going on. 2020 is a shit year. There is death, there is rampant inequality, there is fear, there is anger, and there is prolonged uncertainty led by tidal waves of change.

But I don’t have the answers, and I shouldn’t pretend to. So all that writing I’ve done? I think it’s personal.

It occurs to me that whenever something happens in our country, our first reaction tends to appear on social media. We fall prey to the concept that not saying anything implies our complicity or our agreement, so we rush towards some cliche response or aggravated attack.

Of course, it’s important to speak up and show our support or our upset in the midst of world-changing events, but most of the time (where Facebook and Instagram are concerned), no one’s really looking to us for the answers. Oftentimes, this rush to post online results in thoughts that are not yet developed or fully educated, so they proceed to offend and divide. We want to be understood, but all we really do is cause more pain and confusion. We want to be heard, but we forget to listen.

I’ve spent days worrying about how to use this platform to respond to Black Lives Matter, to our politics, and to our ongoing battle with COVID, and ultimately, I’ve come to this conclusion: no one really cares what I think. Worrying about my “public statement” is not what I should be worried about. This is not my area of expertise. And so long as I know what I think, well then, that’s the first battle I should fight.

So I’m writing through it. I’m listening, I’m reading, I’m giving what I can, and I’m continuing to write through it. And maybe, someday, my words will be “ready.” But up until then I’m just going to keep on working on me and hopefully develop some future posts that make sense in this crazy world, and I encourage y’all to do the same.

Whether you’re sitting in on an educational seminar, reading a bunch of books, meditating, or journaling, find a way to “write” through it. Find the best shovel to dig deeper into yourself than a mindless scroll, a quick repost, or a simple desire to do better. This is a marathon, y’all. We need to sit in this discomfort. We’ve still got a lot to do and we will never reach the end.

There’s nothing wrong with showing up for issues that matter in ways that feel true and genuine to us. We can (and should) speak up. But what we really need to do is the WORK. The hard, nasty, nitty-gritty work of getting to know ourselves and our fellow humans, recognizing our faults, and learning how to move forward. The real change won’t be found in a black square (I, too, had to learn this the “hard” way); the real change must take place on the inside. And then, of course, forge its path on the outside.

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BTW, I do stand in solidarity with the black community, I will certainly not be voting for Trump in November, and I can’t wait until we finally heal from the effects of coronavirus (though I have kind of enjoyed spending so much time at home and gaining some much-needed clarity on the state of our world). Here’s to a brighter future! Now let’s. get. to. work.

💓 * h