breathe in…breathe out

*Disclaimer* This is a trip into the dark crevices of my mind. I hope it might be something that others need to hear – not just to hear about me, but to know that the rest of us aren’t alone. This is the aftermath of feeling like a boss.

This past weekend, I was a mental and emotional MESS. Sure, it was a bad time of the month. But that didn’t excuse my thoughts and actions. I was mad for no good reason, not a whole lot of fun to be around and ruining my own potential good time. And I couldn’t control it! I wanted so badly to be out of it, but I could not pull myself away. Things started to brighten up on Sunday evening after attending a friend’s wedding at Arrington Vineyards *HELLO best open bar ever* but I was still down in the dumps.

Monday was right around the corner and I had barely begun to experience the weekend I’d anticipated. Plus, I was cycling myself through a series of guilt trips over the reactions I’d had towards people with the best of intentions. I didn’t like who I’d been the last few days – and I felt like I couldn’t come back from it or ever do enough to apologize for my behavior. I’d dug myself into a deep hole of self-resentment and was pretty sure I’d made myself unlovable. Now all I had to look towards was the stress and anxiety of another full week over which I had zero control. I was stuck in a never-ending cycle and there was only one way to fathom getting out of it.

I took a Mental Health Day.

Now for a goody-two-shoes like me, this is not easy to do. Especially when you know that your lack of presence will almost definitely pose some problems in the office (see The Accidental Girl Boss). But the thing is, sometimes Me, Myself & I just need to come first. And so I told myself, the only way to make this day worthwhile was to make the absolute best of it. No laying on the couch, no tagging along with Webb while he worked – everything I did had to be my choice. I couldn’t allow myself to feel like I was doing anything against my will out of obligation or guilt.

And I had a wonderful effin’ day. Honestly, I felt like a brand new person by 2 PM!

I did wake up and go feed with Webb, getting a good dose of fresh air and activity. And then, I took myself out. I drove into Nashville and wandered around some shops, getting errands done without rush or hustle. I spent some time at my old stomping grounds – the trails at Edwin Warner Park – and ran through the woods for a bit. It didn’t take long…that dose of adrenaline was enough to get me feeling good! So I made my way back home and helped finish up a section of pasture fencing (#badassfarmgirl right here), then made it back out to feed some more before crashing at home with a lovely frozen pizza.

When you fit it all into a paragraph like that, it sure doesn’t sound like much. But I’m telling you – that “day to myself” was a miracle worker. It was like hitting the Refresh button on my mind, body and soul.

Not to mention, the last piece to my Bullet Journal puzzle arrived so I could FINALLY let myself get started on that. I got myself so incredibly worked up about doing it right and having all the perfect materials…when all I really needed to do, was Start.

I’m finding that philosophy to be relevant to so many things.

Now I’m back in the game, feeling good, understanding what I need to do to keep myself going. Me Time is SO SO SO important, y’all. Don’t let yourselves get overburdened with the bad, the ugly and the stressful time-consuming.

Put on some music!

Take a bath.

Go for a run.

Buy a fancy coffee.

Sit in the sunshine.

Take time for your friends and your hobbies.

Buy these bangles! (I did)

….But mostly, just take time for YOU and what YOU need in that moment.

We live in the real world, and that means we need our jobs and those jobs come with certain responsibilities. There are a lot of different personalities to keep happy. That’s a given. And of course, when you’re at work you need to be on your A-Game and doing the absolute best that you can. Sometimes it’s really nice to be needed – and it feels good to know you have some semblance of power at your workplace. But sometimes, you just need to let other people figure things out for themselves. Selfish as it may sound, you need to take a step back. Because if all you do is give….the harsh reality is that you may never get it back. And that’s draining. It’s soul crushing. It’s maddening.

So if you’re out there feeling this way, feeling like everyone but you is looking out for #1 – then take a pause. And seriously, take a day for yourself. I hope this was something you needed to hear today, something to let you know you’re not alone. Even if you have to wait til Saturday to do it.

And remember: