sorry, not sorry.

 

“I’m sorry for being a girl”

These words have been echoing in my head since last Sunday, when I finally got to sit down and immerse myself in Lady Gaga’s new Netflix Documentary Five Foot Two. Because it was indeed Lady Gaga, supreme goddess of girl power, who uttered these words herself to her producer, Mark Ronson. She was strung out on anxiety and the anticipation of her album release, and she burst into tears. And she hugged him. And she apologized for being a girl.

It dawned on me that I apologize a lot – maybe not for being a girl, but most definitely for the emotions I experience, some of which may have a lot to do with my XX chromosomes. Or feeling anxiety about the tiniest of things. Or being debilitated by cramps and raging hormones. And I shouldn’t have to. I shouldn’t feel the need to. But I feel guilty about it regardless, even when the people I’m leaning on tell me it’s fine.

Today I find myself stuck in the duldrums, unsure of the right path out from under them. There’s a goal I’m driving myself towards, but I’ve lost sight of what that even looks like anymore. And suddenly, I’m ready to do something about it. Anything, really.

Somehow, I’ve become very aware of how other people are just able to beat through the bad and keep it positive. I, however, am having to come to terms with the fact that I’m not so great at it. So I’ve been reading tons of lists and trying to figure out what I need to tell myself to gain the necessary confidence and happiness that will propel me through the shit I’d rather not have to deal with. That, and getting out into nature, exploring the countryside, driving up & down the Natchez Trace and sleeping in a tent in the woods for a night of the weekend, post-event Instagramming like an LL Bean-style BOSS. Aside from attempting to live out the kind of wonder I desire, there are a lot of gurus out there who claim that just repeating the same uplifting statements over and over again each morning can have a vibrant impact on your days….so I want to give it a try. A valiant try. Here, I’ve composed the statements I’ve found that mean the most to me – as well as a few that are personally composed.

*************************************************************************************

Today I wake up filled with gratitude and light.

I begin my day with clarity, confidence and faith.

I feel healthy, sexy, strong and beautiful in my body.

I get to choose the woman I want to be today.

Today I get to give love and spread positivity to those around me. I get to make people’s lives a little better.

f. scott fitzgerald (1)

I am the architect of my life: I build its foundation and choose its contents.

Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy.

My mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.

I have been given endless talents which I begin to utilize today.

My relationship is becoming stronger, deeper and more stable each day.

i love it whencoffee kicks inand i realize what anadorable badassi'm going to be today

I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.

Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.

Happiness is a choice. I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve been given.

I deserve to be employed and paid well for my time, efforts and ideas. Each day, I am closer to finding the perfect job for me.

My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is plentiful with prosperity.
soul

I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.

I acknowledge my own own self worth; my confidence is soaring.

Everything that is happening now is happening for my ultimate good.

I am a powerhouse; I am indestructible.

Though these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life.

BILLS

I radiate beauty, charm and grace.

I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.

I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen.

My life is just beginning.

I have all that I need. The rest is unnecessary.

There is always something new and wanderlustful around the corner.

What ails me is only temporary.

It’s all going to be OKAY.

Thanks to Cara Alwill Leyba & The Huffington Post for the Inspiration 😉